I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Randomize
