i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
