Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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