Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
