Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
