some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
