u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
