Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I didn't shave. On purpose
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
