I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
