She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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