I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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