I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
