3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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