She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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