Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
