It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
