i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So much rum. So many feels.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
