He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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