just tell him i said nine months
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
