been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
