Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
