walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
