what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
