I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
