I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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