I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
