Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I am midnight drunk by noon
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
