This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
