Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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