I hate your face
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
