the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
