You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
