I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
