the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
