worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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