My Higher Power is John Stamos
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
