I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
