when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Panties = found
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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