i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
