Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize