Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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