you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
