I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize