The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
