My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
