I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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