I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
