you would pick up someone in the library
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
this boner is exhausting
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
