So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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