Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
