she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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