Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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