Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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