erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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