So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
