I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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