i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
