my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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