saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize