Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
