am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
