Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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