remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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