No, drunk sperm still make babies.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
