So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
