anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize