i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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