I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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