I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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