You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
