he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize