i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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