She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
