Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
