Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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