MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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