the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
