When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
