she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
