You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
