I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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