Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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