If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
