im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
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