Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
