in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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