SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I enjoy the company of your penis
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
