all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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