My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
