We are two peas in an std pod
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
