Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
