i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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