I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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