Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
